2024

 December 25th 2024 

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The year is coming to an end, once again, I'm just glad I'm still here. 

There are two guitars and three warm lights. There's a little fire living inside.

This year I drowned in work--I wont lie. I discovered parts of me I hadn't met before. I felt a prolonged period of peace. I made good decisions. I did my best. I was kind to myself. I worked hard and I'm proud of my accomplishments. 

My gut can be so loud sometimes, I have no choice but to listen. I feel closer.

I think 2024 was the kind of year I had to sit with, hibernate, understand, listen. And I did.

Anything I did not want to do, I did not do.

It feels clearer you know. 

For the first time, I started feeling like a real woman. My face is not the same, I notice. My body is not the same, I notice.

In 2024, I explored my own sexuality more and in conclusion I think I'll always remain unlabeled. I felt love in ways I did not know existed.

No year is ever perfect and I want you to know that, reader. Nothing is ever perfect. These are some of the not-so-great things I felt in 2024: confused, scattered-brained, anxious, sad, exhausted, irreparable, selfish, egotistical, longing, lost, at times I felt like the worst human ever. I put it all out there to say that feeling crappy is okay. Truthfully I don't want you to feel alone. I hope you feel validated. The mess is a part of it. You don't have to be perfect, reader. On the contrary, I want to highlight the good things I felt, to show you that there is always good. In 2024 I felt: loved, excited, seen, grateful, appreciated, balanced, healthy, joyous, peace, healed, proud, confident, secure. 2024 was a cough drop. 

In 2024 my dreams were more vivid than ever, they were loud. Dreams are revealing. I dreamt a lot. I dreamt of horses, dancing, and diving. I think I know what it means.

Dear reader, as for you, I hope 2024 brought you joy and growth. I hope you got through the hard times and if not I hope you find solace and healing. Reader, I hope in 2025 you achieve whatever your heart desires and I hope you laugh a lot.

2024, a faint burning light.

2025, I just want to be me.