Hunger for life

TW: Death

Today the thought of my own mortality hit me. For the first time, I realized I feared dying. Then I smiled because I realized something deep in me had healed, I used to want to die, and I longed for the day I no longer existed. 

Something in me has completely changed; I don't remember the exact moment when this switch happened. I think all of the years' worth of healing, love, and self-reflection has finally caught up. I am proud of this. I don't recall ever being this hungry to live. 

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Life is short, so I started chasing my dreams, started chasing what I truly wanted, what's the point if not?

Life is short, so I got out of bed

Life is short, so I said no, life is too short for people-pleasing 

Life is short, so I said I love you

Life is short, so I kissed you

Life is short, so I said I'm sorry

Life is short, so I decided to be true to myself

Life is short, so I collected all my fears and disposed of them, what's the use?

Life is short, so I called my sister

Life is short, too short for mediocre, so I walked away

Life is too short to be swallowed by anger, fear, sadness, and self-doubt. Life is too precious to be consumed by these feelings. Wouldn't you rather swim?

I think about the faces of the people who are no longer roaming the earth with us. Forever, they remain the age they left as. It's a strange thought. I wish they were here. Last night, I danced all night, but I couldn't stop thinking that you would have enjoyed this, so I danced longer for you. 

Part of me feels like I'm starting my life over. There's a new lens through which I view my life. I'm thankful. Life is short; it's momentary and a gift. I'm just happy to be here. I just want to be here. Please let me be here, just a little longer.