my child

 03/28/2024: My child

I ran one million miles

Dissociated for a hundred years 

Pretended for 20 more

Scared and cold 

Evenings in the woods, running away from all of it

Bike rides on dim curvy roads

The same movie over and over

A roof above my head

Food on the table

Provision with a bitter taste of reproach

Footsteps at my door

Whispers of manipulation

Yelling in my ear 

A closet to hide in

Snakes in all my dreams

My caretaker wasn’t taking care of me

An avalanche of emotions I couldn’t put into words

A mute button on all my cries

Deflection

I wasn’t taught, how to talk 

Till everything changed

Everything is okay now

I am safe

But sometimes it still feels like I’m not 

Like someone’s playing some kind of sick joke

Like the wheels haven’t stopped turning

They are still going and going

I feel like I've been deteriorated and gone blank

Make this feeling go away

Everything is okay now

I no longer have to imagine the good

The good is here now

My dream came true

I am safe now

So why won't my body accept that?

Why hasn't my body stopped shaking?

You can stop running now, 

my child

I know your limbs are tired,

you don’t know how to stop

There are no more monsters under your bed,

or surveillance cameras in your head

It was all just a bad dream

The coast is clear, 

my child

You can live again

It takes a while, 

my child, 

to be alright

I know you are scared,

my child

I know you feel like there’s nothing left of you

I know you feel like you’ve been robbed

I’m here to bring the good news my child

It’s not too late,

to start all over 

and have a good life

Come out of your palace, 

your friends would like to see you

Your sister just wants your time

Get out of that frozen memory,

those things do not define

My child,

look at all the things you can do now,

no longer walking on a tightrope

You’re so strong, my child

Beautiful as ever, my child

I love your laugh, my child

I love you in your solitude,

and all the patience you’ve had

I love the functions in your mind and the adventure you lead with

I’m here to tell you, my child,

you aren't damage goods

You’re an emerald forest 

Full of wonders and mystery, 

I want you to see all the life you bring,

and all this life has to bring

All the life that’s left to live 

It's there waiting for you

My child,

you’ve come so far,

and I am so proud

All the things you’ve conquered,

the hole you dug yourself out of 

I hate that you crawl back in at times, you confuse it with home

Why do you do that? 

My child look at all this beauty

Look at the way the waves crash 

Look at the bubbles that fizz around the black stones

Don’t you want to be like them? 

I know, my child, 

all the rollercoasters you’ve been on

The push and the pull, what it’s eroded  

You feel defeated 

You feel like it's still happening

Sea sickness

My child

Life has just begun

You are safe here

with me

I will never let you go, 

my child

It takes a while,

my child, 

to be alright

I will continue to remain patient and resilient 

for you

So proud, so proud 

So so proud

So go on out there and live, my sweet child